Inclusion at Harmony: a Preschool Where Your Family Belongs

As a Jewish educator and a queer parent, I think a lot about what it means to feel at home in a community. Especially in a space where we’re trusting other adults to know, love, and care for our children.

We can say “everyone is welcome,” but families need to feel that welcome in the everyday life of a school. In how we greet them, what we ask about their children, the books we read, and the assumptions we make, or take the time to question.

At The Harmony School at Beth David, we want to build a proudly Jewish preschool where families don’t have to leave pieces of themselves at the door.

Interfaith families shouldn’t feel like outsiders

Synagogue spaces can be intimidating if you didn’t grow up in them. There are unfamiliar words, rituals, and expectations that everyone else seems to understand. Even a well-intentioned “you know how we do this” can make someone feel like they’re already behind.

For interfaith families, that feeling can be especially complicated. A parent who isn’t Jewish may be helping raise Jewish children, participating in holidays, and doing so much of the work of building their family’s Jewish life, while still feeling like a visitor in their own community.

We want to be thoughtful about that.

At Harmony, we want parents to feel comfortable asking what a blessing means or how we celebrate a holiday. We want children to be able to talk about the different traditions in their homes without worrying that they’ve said something wrong. Families shouldn’t have to minimize one part of their lives to participate in another.

We are excited to share Jewish learning, traditions, and joy. We also understand that families arrive with different experiences, and that getting to know those experiences is part of our job.

Jews come in all hues

There is no one way to look Jewish. Jews are Black, Asian, Latino, white, multiracial, and part of communities with histories and traditions from all over the world.

Still, People of Color can enter Jewish spaces and find themselves having to explain their presence or answer questions about whether they’re “really” Jewish. That’s something we need to pay attention to and change.

Children learn what a community looks like through the people and stories we introduce them to. Our books, classroom materials, and conversations should reflect the diversity of Jewish life. People of Color belong in those everyday representations, as well as in our classrooms and community.

Every family deserves to be reflected

As a queer parent, I know how meaningful it is when my children’s family is simply understood.

A child with two moms shouldn’t have to correct every classroom activity that assumes a mom and a dad. A child being raised by a grandparent should be able to talk about home as easily as anyone else. The same goes for children in single-parent families, adoptive families, blended families, and families with different caregiving arrangements.

Sometimes inclusion is as simple as asking, “Who are the important people in your family?” and listening to the answer.

Those small choices matter. They tell children whether the adults around them have made room for their lives.

Inclusion also means disability rights and access

When we talk about diversity and inclusion, we need to include children with disabilities and children with different ways of learning, communicating, moving, and participating.

Young children develop differently. They bring different strengths and need different kinds of support. Some need more movement. Some need less noise. Some communicate with words, others with gestures, pictures, or communication tools. Every child has ideas and interests worth getting to know.

As educators, we have to ask what helps a child participate. Could we offer another way to join an activity? Change the environment? Make the next step more predictable? Learn something from their family that we haven’t understood yet?

We also need to be honest and specific about the support a child needs and what our program can provide. That means thoughtful conversations with families and collaboration with specialists when appropriate.

Our Reggio Emilia-inspired approach asks us to be curious about children and take their thinking seriously. That commitment has to include children whose thinking or communication doesn’t look the way we expected.

Why a Jewish lens matters

For me, all of this is deeply Jewish. The teaching of b’tzelem Elohim, that every person is created in the image of G-d, gives us a starting point: each person has dignity. We don’t earn it by fitting in, knowing the right words, or being easy for someone else to understand.

With young children, we get to practice what that means. We make room for a friend. We learn someone’s name. We notice when another child needs help, and we ask before jumping in. We talk about fairness and why different people might need different things.

Jewish stories and traditions give us so many opportunities to have these conversations. They help us ask how we want to treat one another and what responsibilities we have to the people around us.

Children can build a strong, joyful Jewish identity while learning about other people’s traditions and experiences. We want them to feel connected to their own community and curious about the wider world.

Learning to make room for one another

In the Reggio Emilia approach, we talk about the “Hundred Languages” of children: the many ways children express themselves, explore ideas, and make meaning. We see these languages in drawing, movement, building, music, pretend play, and so much more. When we pay attention to all of these forms of expression, we give ourselves more opportunities to understand a child.

That matters when we talk about inclusion. A child’s spoken language doesn’t tell us everything about what they know, feel, or have to contribute. Our responsibility is to make room for different forms of expression, provide the communication support children need, and take their ideas seriously. Every child deserves to be heard, and we have to be willing to listen in more than one way.